Far away from my place,
Deep witihn my heart,
I can see within me,
The land of lands.
Far away from my place,
The land of brains and brawns,
Where true beauty lies awakened,
Inside and outside the walls.
Far away from my place,
Where the people are united,
Against all evil and treachery,
Working hand in hand towards the brighter days.
Far away from my place,
Where I will head to someday,
Lies a secret, quietly and unrevealed,
Of which the people will learn one day,
And envy those who have experianced,
The loving affection of the land,
Which is far, far away and asleep...
Deep witihn my heart,
I can see within me,
The land of lands.
Far away from my place,
The land of brains and brawns,
Where true beauty lies awakened,
Inside and outside the walls.
Far away from my place,
Where the people are united,
Against all evil and treachery,
Working hand in hand towards the brighter days.
Far away from my place,
Where I will head to someday,
Lies a secret, quietly and unrevealed,
Of which the people will learn one day,
And envy those who have experianced,
The loving affection of the land,
Which is far, far away and asleep...
Da first one s brialliant..bt i think it shuld hav a deeper meaning!!! as in istead of using far away fr da last part...u can alternate it wid far far away..gives it a good depth!!!!! nd try bringin in a variety in thoughts...All in all a brilliant job!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI dnt think im up to the mark to post a commend on this blog posted by my dear roomiee,i would say it is brillent.Every para that you conveyed,force me deep n deep inside the world outside.A defensive approach ending into an happy ending.I personal love happy endings may it be life or far away asleep.
ReplyDelete@scarface: thanks.. :) will take your point into consideration in my next writings.
ReplyDeleteDreams.? are they really far away? :) Just close our eyes and they are there.. loving affection, yep. thats true :)
ReplyDeleteI dont know if the last part needs change, sometimes repetition in poetry brings a different feel to it too, much like variation :)
Leo @ I Rhyme Without Reason
beauty!!
ReplyDelete